I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
