Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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