I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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