you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
