Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
