hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How does one acquire holy water?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i out mim tonsoeep
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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