Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
