Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
