my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
