Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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