Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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