***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
nutella sex= disaster
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
