just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
