I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
