Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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