Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
