he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
