Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
