i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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