But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize