kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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