I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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