He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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