aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
