gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
