i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
