he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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