As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
