There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize