Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
