I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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