Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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