**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
