I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
