you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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