He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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