Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
