Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
