I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
