How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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