I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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