I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
