Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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