when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
