and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
