theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
