I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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