I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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