When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
