everyone is single if you try hard enough
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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