dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
