The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
