I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
