I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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