I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Randomize
