pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
