I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
