btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
