and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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