my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
me + whiskey = a bad person
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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