why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize