Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
