So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
